The Empty Chairs at School
Why Showing Up Still Matters, Even Sometimes
Parenting today feels more complex than ever. We hear constant conversations about racism prevention, gender equality, inclusivity, and neurodiversity, but how much do we really understand these issues beyond the headlines? Social media is saturated with hashtags and jargon, yet meaningful, grounded conversations about how we create safe and supportive futures for our children often feel rare.
The statistics alone are sobering. Violence against women and girls accounts for nearly 20% of all recorded crime in England and Wales. Last year, one in eight women experienced domestic abuse, sexual assault, or stalking.₁,₂ Nearly one in five boys aged 13 to 15 report holding a positive view of the self-proclaimed misogynist Andrew Tate.₃ UK schools have recorded more than 60,000 racist incidents in the past five years, a figure likely underreported, given that until recently schools were not legally required to report racist incidents or bullying. Over a third of girls in secondary school report experiencing sexual harassment, yet fewer than one in six say they reported it.₄
These figures do not exist in isolation. They shape the world our children are growing up in, and they underline why education, dialogue, and prevention matter so deeply. In this context, it’s no surprise that many parents feel overwhelmed, unsure where to begin, or simply exhausted by trying to keep up.
As a parent of three, I know how mammoth the task can feel. I don’t attend every school event. Some don’t feel relevant, and with my eldest turning 18 next year, it’s easy to assume I’ve seen it all before. Yet when I stop and reflect, I realise just how much has changed over the past decade. That realisation alone is a reminder to show up a little more, especially for my 11-year-old, and most of all for my six-year-old. The world is constantly changing, and that means there is always something new to learn.
If we are honest, many school events are thinly attended. Teachers frequently mention low turnout, while parents quietly admit that not every event feels accessible, relevant, or worth the effort. When the connection between school and home feels inconsistent, an important question emerges: what is actually getting in the way, and how might things need to change on both sides?
To begin with, many parents simply don’t register that relevant events are taking place. We are bombarded with emails, notifications, and messages; information overload means things are easily missed. Even when we do see an invitation, it can feel like just another obligation added to an already full list. Many of us are exhausted, juggling work, care, and logistics. School events often take place in the evenings or at weekends, precisely when energy is lowest, or during the school day, when many parents simply cannot attend. Sometimes it really is too much. And sometimes, we just don’t have the capacity.
This isn’t unique to schools. Community events more broadly are seeing lower attendance. More people stay in, choose Netflix, and keep to themselves, and downtime matters. But schools are not just places of academic learning; they are cornerstones of community. If communication between school, home, and what we often call “third spaces” is to remain meaningful, community has to exist in some form. That doesn’t mean being consumed by it, but it does mean staying connected.
For some parents, there is also a fear that involvement becomes a drainpipe: once you step in, you are expected to commit endlessly, attend everything, join every group, and always be available. I have felt this myself. Taking on roles such as class representative can quickly become overwhelming when expectations grow and support is limited. Experiences like this can discourage future involvement altogether.
But involvement doesn’t need to be intense or constant. It can be small. Occasional. Boundaried. That needs to be said out loud.
Even limited involvement can quietly build a bridge between home and school. Parents gain insight into what their child is learning, the values a school is trying to uphold, and practical ways to support development at home. Children notice this too. Simply seeing a parent present sends a powerful signal that school matters. That presence can foster confidence, belonging, and willingness to engage. As children grow older, schools often struggle with participation in extracurricular activities. Engagement doesn’t begin at the school gate, it is also modelled at home. What might our absence communicate about commitment, respect, and participation?
When we attend talks and workshops, we also model something important: that learning does not stop at the classroom door. Curiosity, growth, and reflection are lifelong skills. Involvement opens space for dialogue, asking questions, clarifying expectations, and sharing perspectives, which helps reduce misunderstandings and allows schools to offer more effective support.
Creating welcoming and accessible spaces for parents is also something that we need more of. A shared, informal area, where parents can have a coffee, exchange experiences, and support one another, can strengthen community in ways formal meetings often cannot. Feedback from attending parents is invaluable, helping schools understand what resonates, what barriers exist, and how events might evolve to meet real needs.
We also believe strongly in the value of lived-experience speakers and experts in schools, supporting not only children but also parents and teachers. As Jeremy Indika said on our podcast recently, an event might spark just one conversation. A speaker might challenge something you thought you already understood. That information may sit quietly for years, until one day, it becomes exactly what your child needs. Too often, we find ourselves saying, “If only I’d known that earlier.”
Perhaps the question we should be asking ourselves is this: what is the smallest meaningful way I can show up this year? One evening. One conversation. One moment of presence. It does not have to be all or nothing.
I saw this firsthand at our Are You Really Listening? event for parents and teenagers. It lasted just two hours on a Sunday evening, but for those two hours, something formed. Conversations happened. A sense of connection existed. That mattered.
Community underpins a healthy society. Research supports this. A 2024 study in the American Journal of Psychology found that children whose parents engage through everyday actions, supporting homework, attending school events, and communicating with teachers, show higher motivation, better attendance, and stronger academic outcomes across socio-economic backgrounds. Other studies suggest that parents who attend school events build stronger relationships with teachers, stay better informed about enrichment opportunities, and feel more confident supporting learning beyond the classroom. ₅,₆,₇
Information needs to be wanted, demanded, provided…and then turned up for.
Community doesn’t need everyone, everywhere, all the time. It needs enough people showing up thoughtfully, in ways that make sense for them.
Maybe it’s not about showing up to everything.
Maybe it’s just about remembering that we still need to show up to something.
FOOTNOTES:
1 Office for National Statistics, Developing a Combined Measure of Domestic Abuse, Sexual Assault and Stalking, England and Wales, July 2025,
https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/crimeandjustice/articles/developingacombinedmeasureofdomesticabusesexualassaultandstalkingenglandandwales/july2025
2 "Violence Against Women and Girls-Related Crime Reaches Staggering Levels," Sky News, accessed December 19, 2025, https://news.sky.com/story/violence-against-women-and-girls-related-crime-reaches-staggering-levels-13183550
3 https://yougov.co.uk/society/articles/47419-one-in-six-boys-aged-6-15-have-a-positive-view-of-andrew-tate
4 https://neu.org.uk/latest/library/its-just-everywhere
5 Mocho, H., Martins, C., dos Santos, R., Ratinho, E., & Nunes, C. (2025). Measuring parental school involvement: A systematic review. European Journal of Investigation in Health, Psychology and Education, 15(6), 96. https://doi.org/10.3390/ejihpe15060096
6 Stanford, L. (2023, July). Does parent involvement really help students? Here’s what the research says. Education Week. https://www.edweek.org/leadership/does-parent-involvement-really-help-students-heres-what-the-research-says/2023/07
7 Yang, D., Chen, P., Wang, K., Li, Z., Zhang, C., & Huang, R. (2023). Parental involvement and student engagement: A review of the literature. Sustainability, 15(7), 5859. https://doi.org/10.3390/su15075859
Image courtesy of Freepix.
